Why do people do the ugliest things to their hair?

There’s this guy in my neighborhood, a muscular redneck guy, plain wife and two yard apes. Well, he’s going bald on top but has this really long ponytail. Did he pull it so hard it made the hair on top retreat and come out the back of his skull? Is he going to do the ultimate comb-over when it gets even longer?

Rednecks can be hot, in a “banjo-playing, squeal-like-a-pig” kind of way, but his ‘do disqualifies him out of that category. So much for my drunk-neighbor-gets-it-on-with-me fantasy.


4 responses to this post.

  1. I think they do it because no one has told them their ‘do is ugly. If people [I trusted] told me I looked like a dork, I know I’d cut my hair.

    My suggestion: tell him his hair is ugly. 😉

  2. I have seen some of your neighbors and I KNOW you can do better than that one!

  3. Ah yes, there’s nothing worse than a “southbound mullet”. If I even begin losing my hair, I think I’ll just end up shaving the rest off.

  4. See – I think you are missing the whole “fantasy” part about the “drunk-neighbor-gets-it-on-with-me fantasy”.

    Picture him with a shaved head. It works for me.

    Every time.

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